If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
