in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
