Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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