uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
