I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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