exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
