In the future we'll all be gay
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
