he thought i was a dude.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
