I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
