I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
