Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
