I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
