mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
