I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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