Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
