She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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