Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
