his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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