May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
