Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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