Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
