chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize