Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
