just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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