I'm jealous of your bromance
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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