I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
