Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
