so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
As shirtless as possible
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
