I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
