we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
