Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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