yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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