i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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