yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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