I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
