he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
