Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize