My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
