Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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