he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
