Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
