Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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