yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
