Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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