I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
