he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
