I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
