I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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