And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
