the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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