the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
