you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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