the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
