I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize