jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
