WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
