Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who died my cat blue again?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
