We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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