When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
