Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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