So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize