I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His hands were made for my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
