i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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