There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize