doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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