Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize