Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
