roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
where are my eyebrows?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
