it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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