My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
