She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
