I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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