Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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