felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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