the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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