Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
